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      JANE EYRE - CHAPTER XV

      放大字體  縮小字體 發(fā)布日期:2005-03-23
        MR. ROCHESTER did, on a future occasion, explain it. It was one

      afternoon, when he chanced to meet me and Adele in the grounds: and

      while she played with Pilot and her shuttlecock, he asked me to walk

      up and down a long beech avenue within sight of her.

         He then said that she was the daughter of a French opera-dancer,

      Celine Varens, towards whom he had once cherished what he called a

      'grande passion.' This passion Celine had professed to return with

      even superior ardour. He thought himself her idol, ugly as he was:

      he believed, as he said, that she preferred his 'taille d'athlete'

      to the elegance of the Apollo Belvidere.

         'And, Miss Eyre, so much was I flattered by this preference of

      the Gallic sylph for her British gnome, that I installed her in an

      hotel; gave her a complete establishment of servants, a carriage,

      cashmeres, diamonds, dentelles, etc. In short, I began the process

      of ruining myself in the received style, like any other spoony. I

      had not, it seems, the originality to chalk out a new road to shame

      and destruction, but trode the old track with stupid exactness not

      to deviate an inch from the beaten centre. I had- as I deserved to

      have- the fate of all other spoonies. Happening to call one evening

      when Celine did not expect me, I found her out; but it was a warm

      night, and I was tired with strolling through Paris, so I sat down

      in her boudoir; happy to breathe the air consecrated so lately by

      her presence. No,- I exaggerate; I never thought there was any

      consecrating virtue about her: it was rather a sort of pastille

      perfume she had left; a scent of musk and amber, than an odour of

      sanctity. I was just beginning to stifle with the fumes of

      conservatory flowers and sprinkled essences, when I bethought myself

      to open the window and step out on to the balcony. It was moonlight

      and gaslight besides, and very still and serene. The balcony was

      furnished with a chair or two; I sat down, and took out a cigar,- I

      will take one now, if you will excuse me.'

         Here ensued a pause, filled up by the producing and lighting of a

      cigar; having placed it to his lips and breathed a trail of Havannah

      incense on the freezing and sunless air, he went on-

         'I liked bonbons too in those days, Miss Eyre, and I was

      croquant- (overlook the barbarism)- croquant chocolate comfits, and

      smoking alternately, watching meantime the equipages that rolled along

      the fashionable streets towards the neighbouring opera-house, when

      in an elegant close carriage drawn by a beautiful pair of English

      horses, and distinctly seen in the brilliant city-night, I

      recognised the "voiture" I had given Celine. She was returning: of

      course my heart thumped with impatience against the iron rails I leant

      upon. The carriage stopped, as I had expected, at the hotel door; my

      flame (that is the very word for an opera inamorata) alighted:

      though muffled in a cloak- an unnecessary encumbrance, by the bye,

      on so warm a June evening- I knew her instantly by her little foot,

      seen peeping from the skirt of her dress, as she skipped from the

      carriage step. Bending over the balcony, I was about to murmur "Mon

      ange"- in a tone, of course, which should be audible to the ear of

      love alone- when a figure jumped from the carriage after her;

      cloaked also; but that was a spurred heel which had rung on the

      pavement, and that was a hatted head which now passed under the arched

      porte cochere of the hotel.

         'You never felt jealousy, did you, Miss Eyre? Of course not: I need

      not ask you; because you never felt love. You have both sentiments yet

      to experience: your soul sleeps; the shock is yet to be given which

      shall waken it. You think all existence lapses in as quiet a flow as

      that in which your youth has hitherto slid away. Floating on with

      closed eyes and muffled ears, you neither see the rocks bristling

      not far off in the bed of the flood, nor hear the breakers boil at

      their base. But I tell you- and you may mark my words- you will come

      some day to a craggy pass in the channel, where the whole of life's

      stream will be broken up into whirl and tumult, foam and noise: either

      you will be dashed to atoms on crag points, or lifted up and borne

      on by some master-wave into a calmer current- as I am now.

         'I like this day; I like that sky of steel; I like the sterness and

      stillness of the world under this frost. I like Thornfield, its

      antiquity, its retirement, its old crow-trees and thorn-trees, its

      grey facade, and lines of dark windows reflecting that metal welkin:

      and yet how long have I abhorred the very thought of it, shunned it

      like a great plague-house? How I do still abhor-'

         He ground his teeth and was silent: he arrested his step and struck

      his boot against the hard ground. Some hated thought seemed to have

      him in its grip, and to hold him so tightly that he could not advance.

         We were ascending the avenue when he thus paused; the hall was

      before us. Lifting his eye to its battlements, he cast over them a

      glare such as I never saw before or since. Pain, shame, ire,

      impatience, disgust, detestation, seemed momentarily to hold a

      quivering conflict in the large pupil dilating under his ebon eyebrow.

      Wild was the wrestle which should be paramount; but another feeling

      rose and triumphed: something hard and cynical: self-willed and

      resolute: it settled his passion and petrified his countenance: he

      went on-

         'During the moment I was silent, Miss Eyre, I was arranging a point

      with my destiny. She stood there, by that beech-trunk- a hag like

      one of those who appeared to Macbeth on the heath of Forres. "You like

      Thornfield?" she said, lifting her finger; and then she wrote in the

      air a memento, which ran in lurid hieroglyphics all along the

      house-front, between the upper and lower row of windows, "Like it if

      you can? Like it if you dare!"

         '"I will like it" said I; "I dare like it;" and' (he subjoined

      moodily) 'I will keep my word; I will break obstacles to happiness, to

      goodness- yes, goodness. I wish to be a better man than I have been,

      than I am; as Job's leviathan broke the spear, the dart, and the

      habergeon, hindrances which others count as iron and brass, I will

      esteem but straw and rotten wood.'

         Adele here ran before him with her shuttlecock. 'Away!' he cried

      harshly; 'keep at a distance, child; or go in to Sophie!' Continuing

      then to pursue his walk in silence, I ventured to recall him to the

      point whence he had abruptly diverged-

         'Did you leave the balcony, sir,' I asked, 'when Mdlle. Varens

      entered?'

         I almost expected a rebuff for this hardly well-timed question,

      but, on the contrary, waking out of his scowling abstraction, he

      turned his eyes towards me, and the shade seemed to clear off his

      brow. 'Oh, I had forgotten Celine! Well, to resume. When I saw my

      charmer thus come in accompanied by a cavalier, I seemed to hear a

      hiss, and the green snake of jealousy, rising on undulating coils from

      the moonlit balcony, glided within my waistcoat, and ate its way in

      two minutes to my heart's core. Strange!' he exclaimed, suddenly

      starting again from the point. 'Strange that I should choose you for

      the confidant of all this, young lady; passing strange that you should

      listen to me quietly, as if it were the most usual thing in the

      world for a man like me to tell stories of his opera-mistresses to a

      quaint, inexperienced girl like you! But the last singularity explains

      the first, as I intimated once before: you, with your gravity,

      considerateness, and caution were made to be the recipient of secrets.

      Besides, I know what sort of a mind I have placed in communication

      with my own: I know it is one not liable to take infection: it is a

      peculiar mind: it is a unique one. Happily I do not mean to harm it:

      but, if I did, it would not take harm from me. The more you and I

      converse, the better; for while I cannot blight you, you may refresh

      me.' After this digression he proceeded-

         'I remained in the balcony. "They will come to her boudoir, no

      doubt," thought I: "Let me prepare an ambush." So putting my hand in

      through the open window, I drew the curtain over it, leaving only an

      opening through which I could take observations; then I closed the

      casement, all but a chink just wide enough to furnish an outlet to

      lovers' whispered vows: then I stole back to my chair; and as I

      resumed it the pair came in. My eye was quickly at the aperture.

      Celine's chambermaid entered, lit a lamp, left it on the table, and

      withdrew. The couple were thus revealed to me clearly: both removed

      their cloaks, and there was "the Varens," shining in satin and

      jewels,- my gifts of course,- and there was her companion in an

      officer's uniform; and I knew him for a young roue of a vicomte- a

      brainless and vicious youth whom I had sometimes met in society, and

      had never thought of hating because I despised him so absolutely. On

      recognising him, the fang of the snake Jealousy was instantly

      broken; because at the same moment my love for Celine sank under an

      extinguisher. A woman who could betray me for such a rival was not

      worth contending for; she deserved only scorn; less, however, than

      I, who had been her dupe.

         'They began to talk; their conversation eased me completely:

      frivolous, mercenary, heartless, and senseless, it was rather

      calculated to weary than enrage a listener. A card of mine lay on

      the table; this being perceived, brought my name under discussion.

      Neither of them possessed energy or wit to belabour me soundly, but

      they insulted me as coarsely as they could in their little way:

      especially Celine, who even waxed rather brilliant on my personal

      defects- deformities she termed them. Now it had been her custom to

      launch out into fervent admiration of what she called my "beaute

      male": wherein she differed diametrically from you, who told me

      point-blank, at the second interview, that you did not think me

      handsome. The contrast struck me at the time and-'

         Adele here came running up again.

         'Monsieur, John has just been to say that your agent has called and

      wishes to see you.'

         'Ah! in that case I must abridge. Opening the window, I walked in

      upon them; liberated Celine from my protection; gave her notice to

      vacate her hotel; offered her a purse for immediate exigencies;

      disregarded screams, hysterics, prayers, protestations, convulsions;

      made an appointment with the vicomte for a meeting at the Bois de

      Boulogne. Next morning I had the pleasure of encountering him; left

      a bullet in one of his poor etiolated arms, feeble as the wing of a

      chicken in the pip, and then thought I had done with the whole crew.

      But unluckily the Varens, six months before, had given me this filette

      Adele, who, she affirmed, was my daughter; and perhaps she may be,

      though I see no proofs of such grim paternity written in her

      countenance: Pilot is more like me than she. Some years after I had

      broken with the mother, she abandoned her child, and ran away to Italy

      with a musician or singer. I acknowledged no natural claim on

      Adele's part to be supported by me, nor do I now acknowledge any,

      for I am not her father; but hearing that she was quite destitute, I

      e'en took the poor thing out of the slime and mud of Paris, and

      transplanted it here, to grow up clean in the wholesome soil of an

      English country garden. Mrs. Fairfax found you to train it; but now

      you know that it is the illegitimate offspring of a French opera-girl,

      you will perhaps think differently of your post and protegee: you will

      be coming to me some day with notice that you have found another

      place- that you beg me to look out for a new governess, etc.- Eh?'

         'No: Adele is not answerable for either her mother's faults or

      yours: I have a regard for her; and now that I know she is, in a

      sense, parentless- forsaken by her mother and disowned by you, sir-

      I shall cling closer to her than before. How could I possibly prefer

      the spoilt pet of a wealthy family, who would hate her governess as

      a nuisance, to a lonely little orphan, who leans towards her as a

      friend?'

         'Oh, that is the light in which you view it! Well, I must go in

      now; and you too: it darkens.'

         But I stayed out a few minutes longer with Adele and Pilot- ran a

      race with her, and played a game of battledore and shuttlecock. When

      we went in, and I had removed her bonnet and coat, I took her on my

      knee; kept her there an hour, allowing her to prattle as she liked:

      not rebuking even some little freedoms and trivialities into which she

      was apt to stray when much noticed, and which betrayed in her a

      superficiality of character, inherited probably from her mother,

      hardly congenial to an English mind. Still she had her merits; and I

      was disposed to appreciate all that was good in her to the utmost. I

      sought in her countenance and features a likeness to Mr. Rochester,

      but found none: no trait, no turn of expression announced

      relationship. It was a pity: if she could but have been proved to

      resemble him, he would have thought more of her.

         It was not till after I had withdrawn to my own chamber for the

      night, that I steadily reviewed the tale Mr. Rochester had told me. As

      he had said, there was probably nothing at all extraordinary in the

      substance of the narrative itself: a wealthy Englishman's passion

      for a French dancer, and her treachery to him, were every-day

      matters enough, no doubt, in society; but there was something

      decidedly strange in the paroxysm of emotion which had suddenly seized

      him when he was in the act of expressing the present contentment of

      his mood, and his newly revived pleasure in the old hall and its

      environs. I meditated wonderingly on this incident; but gradually

      quitting it, as I found it for the present inexplicable, I turned to

      the consideration of my master's manner to myself. The confidence he

      had thought fit to repose in me seemed a tribute to my discretion: I

      regarded and accepted it as such. His deportment had now for some

      weeks been more uniform towards me than at the first. I never seemed

      in his way; he did not take fits of chilling hauteur: when he met me

      unexpectedly, the encounter seemed welcome; he had always a word and

      sometimes a smile for me: when summoned by formal invitation to his

      presence, I was honoured by a cordiality of reception that made me

      feel I really possessed the power to amuse him, and that these evening

      conferences were sought as much for his pleasure as for my benefit.

         I, indeed, talked comparatively little, but I heard him talk with

      relish. It was his nature to be communicative; he liked to open to a

      mind unacquainted with the world glimpses of its scenes and ways (I do

      not mean its corrupt scenes and wicked ways, but such as derived their

      interest from the great scale on which they were acted, the strange

      novelty by which they were characterised); and I had a keen delight in

      receiving the new ideas he offered, in imagining the new pictures he

      portrayed, and following him in thought through the new regions he

      disclosed, never startled or troubled by one noxious allusion.

         The ease of his manner freed me from painful restraint: the

      friendly frankness, as correct as cordial, with which he treated me,

      drew me to him. I felt at times as if he were my relation rather

      than my master: yet he was imperious sometimes still; but I did not

      mind that; I saw it was his way. So happy, so gratified did I become

      with this new interest added to life, that I ceased to pine after

      kindred: my thin crescent-destiny seemed to enlarge; the blanks of

      existence were filled up; my bodily health improved; I gathered

      flesh and strength.

         And was Mr. Rochester now ugly in my eyes? No, reader: gratitude,

      and many associations, all pleasurable and genial, made his face the

      object I best liked to see; his presence in a room was more cheering

      than the brightest fire. Yet I had not forgotten his faults; indeed, I

      could not, for he brought them frequently before me. He was proud,

      sardonic, harsh to inferiority of every description: in my secret soul

      I knew that his great kindness to me was balanced by unjust severity

      to many others. He was moody, too; unaccountably so; I more than once,

      when sent for to read to him, found him sitting in his library

      alone, with his head bent on his folded arms; and, when he looked

      up, a morose, almost a malignant, scowl blackened his features. But

      I believed that his moodiness, his harshness, and his former faults of

      morality (I say former, for now he seemed corrected of them) had their

      source in some cruel cross of fate. I believed he was naturally a

      man of better tendencies, higher principles, and purer tastes than

      such as circumstances had developed, education instilled, or destiny

      encouraged. I thought there were excellent materials in him; though

      for the present they hung together somewhat spoiled and tangled. I

      cannot deny that I grieved for his grief, whatever that was, and would

      have given much to assuage it.

         Though I had now extinguished my candle and was laid down in bed, I

      could not sleep for thinking of his look when he paused in the avenue,

      and told how his destiny had risen up before him, and dared him to

      be happy at Thornfield.

         'Why not?' I asked myself. 'What alienates him from the house? Will

      he leave it again soon? Mrs. Fairfax said he seldom stayed here longer

      than a fortnight at a time; and he has now been resident eight

      weeks. If he does go, the change will be doleful. Suppose he should be

      absent spring, summer, and autumn: how joyless sunshine and fine

      days will seem!'

         I hardly know whether I had slept or not after this musing; at

      any rate, I started wide awake on hearing a vague murmur, peculiar and

      lugubrious, which sounded, I thought, just above me. I wished I had

      kept my candle burning: the night was drearily dark; my spirits were

      depressed. I rose and sat up in bed, listening. The sound was hushed.

         I tried again to sleep; but my heart beat anxiously: my inward

      tranquillity was broken. The clock, far down in the hall, struck

      two. Just then it seemed my chamber-door was touched; as if fingers

      had swept the panels in groping a way along the dark gallery

      outside. I said, 'Who is there?' Nothing answered. I was chilled

      with fear.

         All at once I remembered that it might be Pilot, who, when the

      kitchen-door chanced to be left open, not unfrequently found his way

      up to the threshold of Mr. Rochester's chamber: I had seen him lying

      there myself in the mornings. The idea calmed me somewhat: I lay down.

      Silence composes the nerves; and as an unbroken hush now reigned again

      through the whole house, I began to feel the return of slumber. But it

      was not fated that I should sleep that night. A dream had scarcely

      approached my ear, when it fled affrighted, scared by a

      marrow-freezing incident enough.

         This was a demoniac laugh- low, suppressed, and deep- uttered, as

      it seemed, at the very keyhole of my chamber door. The head of my

      bed was near the door, and I thought at first the goblin-laugher stood

      at my bedside- or rather, crouched by my pillow: but I rose, looked

      round, and could see nothing; while, as I still gazed, the unnatural

      sound was reiterated: and I knew it came from behind the panels. My

      first impulse was to rise and fasten the bolt; my next, again to cry

      out, 'Who is there?'

         Something gurgled and moaned. Ere long, steps retreated up the

      gallery towards the third-storey staircase: a door had lately been

      made to shut in that staircase; I heard it open and close, and all was

      still.

         'Was that Grace Poole? and is she possessed with a devil?'

      thought I. Impossible now to remain longer by myself: I must go to

      Mrs. Fairfax. I hurried on my frock and a shawl; I withdrew the bolt

      and opened the door with a trembling hand. There was a candle

      burning just outside, and on the matting in the gallery. I was

      surprised at this circumstance: but still more was I amazed to

      perceive the air quite dim, as if filled with smoke; and, while

      looking to the right hand and left, to find whence these blue

      wreaths issued, I became further aware of a strong smell of burning.

         Something creaked: it was a door ajar; and that door was Mr.

      Rochester's, and the smoke rushed in a cloud from thence. I thought no

      more of Mrs. Fairfax; I thought no more of Grace Poole, or the

      laugh: in an instant, I was within the chamber. Tongues of flame

      darted round the bed: the curtains were on fire. In the midst of blaze

      and vapour, Mr. Rochester lay stretched motionless, in deep sleep.

         'Wake! wake!' I cried. I shook him, but he only murmured and

      turned: the smoke had stupefied him. Not a moment could be lost: the

      very sheets were kindling, I rushed to his basin and ewer;

      fortunately, one was wide and the other deep, and both were filled

      with water. I heaved them up, deluged the bed and its occupant, flew

      back to my own room, brought my own water-jug, baptized the couch

      afresh, and, by God's aid, succeeded in extinguishing the flames which

      were devouring it.

         The hiss of the quenched element, the breakage of a pitcher which I

      flung from my hand when I had emptied it, and, above all, the splash

      of the shower-bath I had liberally bestowed, roused Mr. Rochester at

      last. Though it was now dark, I knew he was awake; because I heard him

      fulminating strange anathemas at finding himself lying in a pool of

      water.

         'Is there a flood?' he cried.

         No, sir,' I answered; 'but there has been a fire: get up, do; you

      are quenched now; I will fetch you a candle.'

         'In the name of all the elves in Christendom, is that Jane Eyre?'

      he demanded. 'What have you done with me, witch, sorceress? Who is

      in the room besides you? Have you plotted to drown me?'

         'I will fetch you a candle, sir; and, in Heaven's name, get up.

      Somebody has plotted something: you cannot too soon find out who and

      what it is.'

         'There! I am up now; but at your peril you fetch a candle yet: wait

      two minutes till I get into some dry garments, if any dry there be-

      yes, here is my dressing-gown. Now run!'

         I did run; I brought the candle which still remained in the

      gallery. He took it from my hand, held it up, and surveyed the bed,

      all blackened and scorched, the sheets drenched, the carpet round

      swimming in water.

         'What is it? and who did it?' he asked.

         I briefly related to him what had transpired: the strange laugh I

      had heard in the gallery; the step ascending to the third storey;

      the smoke,- the smell of fire which had conducted me to his room; in

      what state I had found matters there, and how I had deluged him with

      all the water I could lay hands on.

         He listened very gravely; his face, as I went on, expressed more

      concern than astonishment; he did not immediately speak when I had

      concluded.

         'Shall I call Mrs. Fairfax?' I asked.

         'Mrs. Fairfax? No; what the deuce would you call her for? What

      can she do? Let her sleep unmolested.'

         'Then I will fetch Leah, and wake John and his wife.'

         'Not at all: just be still. You have a shawl on. If you are not

      warm enough, you may take my cloak yonder; wrap it about you, and

      sit down in the arm-chair: there,- I will put it on. Now place your

      feet on the stool, to keep them out of the wet. I am going to leave

      you a few minutes. I shall take the candle. Remain where you are

      till I return; be as still as a mouse. I must pay a visit to the

      second storey. Don't move, remember, or call any one.'

         He went: I watched the light withdraw. He passed up the gallery

      very softly, unclosed the staircase door with as little noise as

      possible, shut it after him, and the last ray vanished. I was left

      in total darkness. I listened for some noise, but heard nothing. A

      very long time elapsed. I grew weary: it was cold, in spite of the

      cloak; and then I did not see the use of staying, as I was not to

      rouse the house. I was on the point of risking Mr. Rochester's

      displeasure by disobeying his orders, when the light once more gleamed

      dimly on the gallery wall, and I heard his unshod feet tread the

      matting. 'I hope it is he,' thought I, 'and not something worse.'

         He re-entered, pale and very gloomy. 'I have found it all out,'

      said he, setting his candle down on the washstand; 'it is as I

      thought.'

         'How, sir?'

         He made no reply, but stood with his arms folded, looking on the

      ground. At the end of a few minutes he inquired in rather a peculiar

      tone-

         'I forget whether you said you saw anything when you opened your

      chamber door.'

         'No, sir, only the candlestick on the ground.'

         'But you heard an odd laugh? You have heard that laugh before, I

      should think, or something like it?'

         'Yes, sir: there is a woman who sews here, called Grace Poole,- she

      laughs in that way. She is a singular person.'

         'Just so. Grace Poole- you have guessed it. She is, as you say,

      singular- very. Well, I shall reflect on the subject. Meantime, I am

      glad that you are the only person, besides myself, acquainted with the

      precise details of to-night's incident. You are no talking fool: say

      nothing about it. I will account for this state of affairs'

      (pointing to the bed): 'and now return to your own room. I shall do

      very well on the sofa in the library for the rest of the night. It

      is near four:- in two hours the servants will be up.'

         'Good-night, then, sir,' said I, departing.

         He seemed surprised- very inconsistently so, as he had just told me

      to go.

         'What!' he exclaimed, 'are you quitting me already, and in that

      way?'

         'You said I might go, sir.'

         'But not without taking leave; not without a word or two of

      acknowledgment and good-will: not, in short, in that brief, dry

      fashion. Why, you have saved my life!- snatched me from a horrible and

      excruciating death! and you walk past me as if we were mutual

      strangers! At least shake hands.'

         He held out his hand; I gave him mine: he took it first in one,

      then in both his own.

         'You have saved my life: I have a pleasure in owing you so

      immense a debt. I cannot say more. Nothing else that has being would

      have been tolerable to me in the character of creditor for such an

      obligation: but you: it is different;- I feel your benefits no burden,

      Jane.'

         He paused; gazed at me: words almost visible trembled on his lips,-

      but his voice was checked.

         'Good-night again, sir. There is no debt, benefit, burden,

      obligation, in the case.'

         'I knew,' he continued, you would do me good in some way, at some

      time;- I saw it in your eyes when I first beheld you: their expression

      and smile did not'- (again he stopped)- 'did not' (he proceeded

      hastily) 'strike delight to my very inmost heart so for nothing.

      People talk of natural sympathies; I have heard of good genii: there

      are grains of truth in the wildest fable. My cherished preserver,

      good-night!'

         Strange energy was in his voice, strange fire in his look.

         'I am glad I happened to be awake,' I said: and then I was going.

         'What! you will go?'

         'I am cold, sir.'

         'Cold? Yes,- and standing in a pool! Go, then, Jane; go!' But he

      still retained my hand, and I could not free it. I bethought myself of

      an expedient.

         'I think I hear Mrs. Fairfax move, sir,' said I.

         'Well, leave me': he relaxed his fingers, and I was gone.

         I regained my couch, but never thought of sleep. Till morning

      dawned I was tossed on a buoyant but unquiet sea, where billows of

      trouble rolled under surges of joy. I thought sometimes I saw beyond

      its wild waters a shore, sweet as the hills of Beulah; and now and

      then a freshening gale, wakened by hope, bore my spirit triumphantly

      towards the bourne: but I could not reach it, even in fancy- a

      counteracting breeze blew off land, and continually drove me back.

      Sense would resist delirium: judgment would warn passion. Too feverish

      to rest, I rose as soon as day dawned.

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