When a perfectionist has a baby, things can fall apart very quickly.
As an editor here at the Journal I could skillfully edit a complex finance story, calm a testy reporter, put out a graphics fire and give an intern advice, all at the same time, and all while maintaining my composure. So when my husband and I found out we were expecting a baby, I thought, compared to my work life, how hard could it be to keep a tiny human fed, warm and clean?
As it turned out, some of the personality traits that made me good at my job were also psychological risk factors for postpartum depression, or PPD. I was a classic Type-A, perfectionist control freak. Great for editing, not so great for childrearing.
Soon after my daughter was born last fall I fell into a PPD. I was lucky to have a terrific husband and obstetrician who recognized it right away (my bursting into tears as soon as my doctor walked into the exam room was one clue), even when I insisted it was just baby blues and lack of sleep that was causing my mood swings and lack of interest in anything except caring for the baby.
At work I'm known as the 'den mother' (although I prefer the less matronly-seeming 'cruise director') because I'm always planning social gatherings and taking care of the new hires and interns. But after we brought the baby home I felt something in me change. I didn't come to the phone or invite friends and family over to see the baby. Almost like clockwork, every night at 9 p.m. the day would overwhelm me and I'd have to go and have a good cry. With medication and therapy I started feeling better after a few months. And then I began to plan for my return to work.
Working Mother magazine last year published an article about working moms and depression. It reported that one in five women in the workplace will experience depression in her lifetime, according to Mental Health America. And about 15% of new mothers succumb to PPD, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Often moms who are well on the mend will have a relapse upon returning to work, or a 'post-postpartum depression.' And sometimes a PPD won't even surface until her return to work.
The idea of going back to work and juggling a career, baby, friends, family, and on top of that a health concern, became a deep source of stress for me. For one, I couldn't imagine being away from my daughter, who was eight months old when I returned to work, for hours at a time.
I also struggled with what and how much to tell my co-workers and managers about my PPD. I worried that if I said too much I'd seem unprofessional, like I was blubbering about my personal problems, and it might open the door to questions about how I would be able to handle my job. PPD is widely misunderstood and I didn't want my cube neighbors to be worried that I was going to break down on the job, throwing myself out of the window shouting 'Pacifier! Where's the pacifier! Aaaaaaaaack!' Also, I didn't want my managers to go light on me because they were worried that I'd crack.
So far, well up until this is published anyway, I've only told a few people at work about my PPD. Most of my co-workers were very sympathetic and supportive, although some seemed uncomfortable and quickly changed the subject. I've been back at work for a couple of months now and am really enjoying the business of journalism again and engaging in professional life. After this life-changing event I feel like I'm even better than I was before I had the PPD, both at work and at home.
Readers, have you struggled with postpartum depression or other mental-health issues at work? How did you handle it? Were you open with your co-workers and superiors, or did you keep it to yourself? How have your colleagues reacted?
當一個完美主義者有了孩子以后,生活可能很快就面目全非。
作為《華爾街日報》的一名編輯,我可以熟練地編輯一篇復雜的金融稿件、安撫暴躁的記者、處理緊急的圖表、給實習生提供建議,所有這些都是同時進行,在此過程中還始終保持冷靜。因此,當丈夫和我發(fā)現(xiàn)我們要有孩子了,我想,跟工作比起來,保證一個小人兒吃飽穿暖、干干凈凈能有多難?
結果,讓我在工作中表現(xiàn)出色的一些個性卻成為了產后抑郁癥的心理風險因素。我是典型的A型血人,完美主義的控制狂。擅長編輯工作,但對于養(yǎng)孩子就不是那么得心應手。
去年秋季我女兒出生之后不久,我就陷入了產后抑郁。幸運的是我有個好丈夫和了不起的產科醫(yī)生,他們馬上就察覺了(我的醫(yī)生一走進檢查室我就哭就是產后抑郁的跡象),雖然我堅持說那只是因為輕微的憂郁和缺少睡眠令我的情緒出現(xiàn)起伏以及除了照顧孩子之外對其他事情都漠不關心。
我在工作中有個外號"童子軍女訓導",因為我總是在策劃社交活動,關照新人和實習生(不過我更喜歡"郵輪主任"這個聽起來不那么威嚴的外號).但當我們把小孩帶回家之后,我覺得自己發(fā)生了一些變化。我不再打電話或邀請朋友和家人來看我的孩子。幾乎像時鐘一樣,每天晚上9點鐘的時候,我就會感受到巨大的壓力,不得不離開大哭一場。在藥物和治療的幫助下,幾個月后我開始覺得好一點了。接下去我開始計劃回去工作的事情。
《職業(yè)母親》(Working Mother)雜志去年刊登了一篇關于職業(yè)母親和抑郁的文章。據(jù)報導,美國心理衛(wèi)生協(xié)會(Mental Health America)的資料顯示,美國每5個職業(yè)女性中就有1人會經歷抑郁。據(jù)美國精神病疾病聯(lián)盟(National Alliance on Mental Illness)表示,大約有15%初為人母的女性會遭遇產后抑郁。狀況好轉的媽媽們在返回工作時通常會出現(xiàn)病狀復發(fā),或是"產后抑郁癥后癥狀".有些時候,媽媽們直到返回工作時才出現(xiàn)產后抑郁癥的癥狀。
一想到回去上班,要整天糾纏于事業(yè)、嬰兒、朋友、家人之間,此外還有健康問題,我就感受到沉重的壓力。其中一個煩惱是,我無法想像自己要和女兒一次分開數(shù)小時的情景,當我回去上班的時候,她才8個月大。
令我感到糾結的還有產后抑郁癥問題,我不知道該向我的同事和上司怎么說起這事,又應該告訴他們多少。我擔心,如果我說的太多,我可能就會顯得不職業(yè),好像我在哭訴我的個人問題一樣,這可能會引發(fā)關于我是否能干好工作的質疑。而且,社會對產后抑郁癥有著普遍的誤解,我可不想坐在我旁邊的同事?lián)奈視诠ぷ鞯臅r候崩潰,一邊喊著"鎮(zhèn)靜劑在哪兒?",一邊跳樓自殺。此外,我也不想上司因為擔心我會崩潰而對我特別照顧。
目前為止,在這篇文章刊登之前,我只對幾個人說起過我的產后抑郁癥。大多數(shù)同事都非常同情和支持我,只是一些人會覺得不舒服,會迅速改變話題,F(xiàn)在我回公司上班已經有幾個月了,我真的很享受再次從事新聞職業(yè),回到我的職業(yè)生活當中。在經歷過這一改變人生的事件之后,我覺得自己甚至比患上產后抑郁癥之前更加快樂,工作和家庭生活都是如此。
讀者們,你們是否經歷過產后抑郁或是在工作上遭遇其他心理問題?你們又是怎么處理的?你們是否向同事和上司坦承此事,或是郁結于心?你們的同事又有什么反應?