Moving in together is a huge step for any couple. While the guy might worry his Xbox will be replaced with a stack of Oprah magazines, we're stressing about losing all of our privacy. It's not that we don't want to spend every single waking moment together - it's more like we don't want you to realize that we have flaws, quirks, and normal body functions.
同居是兩人關(guān)系邁入新臺(tái)階的重要標(biāo)志,男生害怕Xbox被時(shí)尚雜志替代,我們女生也擔(dān)心隱私被挖掘。也不是我們不想時(shí)時(shí)刻刻都跟你一起共度,應(yīng)該說(shuō)是,我們不想讓你看到我們也有缺點(diǎn)、怪癖、唔……還有正常的生理功能。
1. Eat messy foods
A good date centers around good food, great conversation, and fantastic foreplay under the table. We don't want to ruin the mood by slurping up spaghetti, gnawing on a piece of sushi, or stabbing ourselves in the eye with a tricky kabab stick. Save us some trouble by picking a place with bite-sized sauce-free food like carrots or ice shavings.
1. 馬虎就餐
美食,愉快的對(duì)話和桌底下的動(dòng)作對(duì)一場(chǎng)完美的約會(huì)來(lái)說(shuō)缺一不可;我們不希望看到猛嚼意大利面,一口吃不下一塊壽司或被羊肉串戳到自個(gè)兒,所以下次約會(huì)嘛,記得挑一家適合小口吃東西的餐館哦!
2. Have Gas
It's clinically proven that gas is the fastest killer of a romantic night. Couples instantly go from being wrapped around each other naked to sleeping on opposite ends of the bed wearing nightgowns over flannel pajamas. Please do us a huge favor by letting us blame any unexplainable noises and lingering smells on the dog - even if you don't have a dog.
2. 公開(kāi)放屁
臨床醫(yī)學(xué)證明,一個(gè)不請(qǐng)自來(lái)的屁是破壞浪漫夜晚的最快殺手!當(dāng)男女穿好睡衣和法蘭絨起居褲,含情脈脈時(shí)突然想起一個(gè)不該出來(lái)的聲音時(shí),作為男生你一定要接受"這是我家養(yǎng)的小狗惡作劇"這樣的爛解釋--即使我家根本就沒(méi)養(yǎng)狗。
3. Facebook Stalk
Some women use Facebook to stay in touch with friends, as well as to see who gained the most weight since high school. Other women use it to legally stalk ex-boyfriends, one-time hook-ups, and crushes. We fully acknowledge that we're absolutely batshit insane, yet we have trouble stopping ourselves from completing our daily ritual. Help us not embarrass ourselves by lying to us and saying you don't have the internet because you don't believe in using it - and for your own sake, never let us know you have Facebook.
3. 上Facebook
很多女生都通過(guò)Facebook和朋友保持聯(lián)系,當(dāng)然也是借此了解畢業(yè)后自己是不是還有人記得。不過(guò)還有一些女生用它來(lái)聯(lián)系一下前男友啦,搞搞419 (for one night)啦,或是耍點(diǎn)小曖昧。我們完全承認(rèn)這是不對(duì)的!但是……唉,我們就是停不下來(lái)嘛!男生,這時(shí)候你就撒點(diǎn)兒謊、遷就我們一下。還有哦,為了你自己好,千萬(wàn)別告訴我們你也玩FB.
4. Working Out
The gym is a great place for us to lose weight, stay in shape, and compare ourselves to fatter women. However, unless we're only taking power yoga classes, it's not a great place to run into someone we like. We're worried that you'll be completely focused on our sweaty head bands, red faces, and our manly gym attire. A great way to make us feel better if you run into us at the gym is to focus on the work-out. Instead of noticing our gym attire, try saying something nice like "wow you've lost more weight than the office could have ever imagined."
4.鍛煉
健身館是我們減肥、塑形、看胖妞們以增強(qiáng)自信心的好地方。但盡管如此,除非我們是去參加瑜伽課,其他在健身館的時(shí)間還是不要被你看到為妙。我們會(huì)擔(dān)心你們只注意到我們被汗水浸透的頭巾、漲紅的臉蛋和超男性化的運(yùn)動(dòng)衫。所以呢,如果不小心在健身房撞到我們,你最好能忽略我們的運(yùn)動(dòng)衫,說(shuō)一句:"哇!你最近瘦了很多嘛!辦公室里還不太看得出來(lái)呢。"
5. Watch our TV shows
Sometimes we watch really stupid TV that we're embarrassed to watch in front of anyone else - let alone someone that we really like. We're talking reality television that makes the Kardashian family look like they deserve a show and movies that make chick flicks look like war documentaries. If you ever walk in on us changing the station quickly to ESPN, then please don't ask what we were watching before and why we're sobbing over SportsCenter.
5.看比較傻的電視節(jié)目
有的時(shí)候我們的確會(huì)去看那種傻傻的電視連續(xù)劇,我們自己都不好意思在其他人面前看--除非這個(gè)人我們真正喜歡。是啊是啊,我說(shuō)的就是那些無(wú)聊的真人秀和拍得好像是戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)紀(jì)錄片的電影。所以……如果你哪天走進(jìn)來(lái)發(fā)現(xiàn)我們瞬間轉(zhuǎn)臺(tái)到ESPN(體育臺(tái)),那可千萬(wàn)別問(wèn)我們之前看的是什么、還有別問(wèn)!怎么我們會(huì)看體育臺(tái)。
6. Poop
Believe it or not (and many choose not to) some women have the ability to poop. And we use the exact same kind of bathroom you do! However many of us will run out of your house and go to the nearest gas station before we'll use your toilet. Installing a porta-potty outside your house covered in sound proof material and filling it with at least 6 air fresheners is a great way to make us feel comfortable living together.
6. 便便
隨你相不相信(很多人還是選擇不信)女生也會(huì)便便。而且,我們就在你的浴室里干這事兒!當(dāng)然,我們中間有很多人的確會(huì)選擇去離你家最近的加油站解決這個(gè)問(wèn)題。所以我們?nèi)绻≡谝黄,那最好你能在你的房子外面建一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)易廁所,在里面裝上音效(以掩蓋某種聲音),并且放6個(gè)空氣清新器,這樣,我們才會(huì)真的放心。