It’s a basic fact of life that, unless you’re Will Rogers, you can’t get along with everyone. Unfortunately, it’s also a fact that throughout your life, you’ll be in situations where you simply have to communicate with some of those people you just can’t stand. This may be an annoying boss, an ingratiating fan, a spineless co-worker, a difficult client, an abrasive in-law, and any number of people with any number of faults.

    As much as you might like to run away and hide when you see these people coming, you’ll often need to work with them, sometimes (too) closely, in order to achieve your goals. You don’t always have to be nice – professional and to-the-point will often get the job done just as well – but you do need to make yourself understood clearly or risk letting your dislike translate into inefficient communication that hinders or even undermined entirely whatever projects you’re working on.

    Fortunately, all it really takes is patience — with yourself as much as with the other person — and a little discipline to make sure you stay on the same page – and that you don’t get caught up in whatever makes them so hard to get along with in the first place.

    1. Listen.

    A lot of conflicts are based in misunderstandings, so always make sure you’re getting everything, It can be easy enough to tune someone out when they annoy you; the trick is to use careful questioning to focus the other person on the topic at hand so they give you what you need and avoid straying too far. Poor listening leads to misunderstandings that need clarification – which means more time spent with someone you’d really rather not be around.

    2. Repeat everything.

    Besides the tendency to tune out people you’d rather avoid, our feelings about another person can color our perception of what they’re saying. To avoid this, repeat back any instructions, questions, or other problems they pose to you to make sure you absolutely understand what they’re saying. Give them a chance to correct you before you go off half-cocked, sure you know what “that kind of person” wants.

    3. Keep your cool.

    It’s tempting to want to argue with people who rub you the wrong way, or to lose it and start pointing out their faults. Don’t do that! Unless they’re wrong about something that directly and materially affects you, don’t bother – starting a debate or, worse, an argument will only prolong your agony – and neither of you is likely to change your mind. Save the debates for when you’re with friends whose opinions matter to you.

    4. Be clear about boundaries.

    You don’t have to be friends with everyone. Which means you don’t have to do favors for everyone who asks. If someone’s encroaching on your time, simply tell them, “I’m sure this is important to you but it simply isn’t a priority for me right now. I really need to work on x and not y.” Again, there’s no need to be mean, just redirect the conversations whenever conversation drifts into areas that aren’t relevant and where you know you’ll be annoyed.

    5. Fight fire with ice.

    The worst thing you can do with an angry or irrational person is engage him or her. In the heat of aggression, any word or action interpreted as aggressive in response will only trigger more aggression – and most of the item, if someone is upset and railing about it, every word and action will be read as aggression. As hard as it might seem to do, the best thing is to sit quietly and let them spend themselves ranting and raving, and then ask if they’d like to schedule a time to discuss the matter more calmly and return to whatever you were doing. If this sets off another round of yelling, simply wait it out and repeat.

    It sucks, but the bottom line is you have nothing to gain by engaging with an irate person in the heat of the moment. And while it may seem that you’re giving up control of the situation – after all, you’re sitting there passively taking it all in, even abuse – most people feel ashamed and contrite after an outburst, especially one in which their target clearly was not responding to or inciting them, which puts you back in charge when there’s actually something you can do about the situation.

    6. Close the door.

    While you may have to interact with people you don’t care for in any number of situations, remember that your time is your own and don’t let other people, especially ones you’d rather not interact with, take control of your time.

    Communication outside of the narrow band needed to fulfill both of your objectives should be minimized – which often means forcefully limiting such talk. Make it clear when you are unavailable, and make yourself unavailable as often as possible. If you have the power, require that your partner make an appointment, and gently reject any effort to discuss your work or projects outside of that scheduled time. People – even annoying people – tend to respect the time of people who make a clear showing that they take their own time very seriously.

    7. You’re valuable. Remember it.

    If you’ve found yourself in a position where you are obligated for some reason to spend time with someone you dislike, remember that most likely, they are in the same position – and it’s you they dislike. But you wouldn’t be in that situation if you didn’t provide something of value – whether that’s a work skill or talent, specialized knowledge, even things as abstract as emotional support or solidarity. You have a mission, so to speak, and everything that distracts you from that mission reduces your value.

    Remember that, and don’t be afraid to remind others of that. You are valuable, which means they need you as much as you need them. If you’re spending your working time listening to someone on your team going on and on about the sandwich she made the night before for her lunch today, it’s ok to remind her that she’s not making the best use of the value you bring.

    People that are annoying, difficult, selfish, boring, or otherwise a chore to deal with are that way for reasons that have nothing to do with you – it’s not your job to fix, engage with, or indulge those tendencies. Don’t worry abut figuring them out or correcting them, worry instead about how you’re going to manage their annoyances without letting it hinder your ability to achieve your own goals. What is your place is to take the control the other person has clearly relinquished, and making sure you get out of the contact what you need. The tips above will help.

    Dustin M. Wax is the project manager at Stepcase Lifehack. He is also the creator of The Writer's Technology Companion, a site devoted to the tools of the writing trade. When he's not writing, he teaches anthropology and gender studies in Las Vegas, NV. He is the author of Don't Be Stupid: A Guide to Learning, Studying, and Succeeding at College.

    生活就是這樣，你不可能取悅于每個(gè)人，除非你是羅杰斯。不幸的是，在一些場(chǎng)合中，我們不可避免的需要和那些不喜歡的看不慣的人打交道，這也是生活的一部分。他們可能是令人討厭的老板，瘋狂的追星族，懦弱無(wú)能的同事，難纏的當(dāng)事人，傷感情的姻親。他們可能是任何人，犯著各種各樣的錯(cuò)誤。

    盡管你看到他們的時(shí)候，你就想立刻逃走，對(duì)他們進(jìn)而遠(yuǎn)之，但很多時(shí)候，卻又必須和他們合作。有時(shí)為了達(dá)到目標(biāo)，你和他們的關(guān)系甚至?xí)�顯得親密。你并需要時(shí)時(shí)刻刻都很唯諾，專(zhuān)業(yè)技術(shù)和恰到好處的熱情也同樣可以幫助你完成這項(xiàng)工作。但有一點(diǎn)你需要記住的是，不要將你的不滿演繹成為彼此之間的物理溝通，進(jìn)而阻礙工作的發(fā)展。

    1. 傾聽(tīng)

    誤解是很多紛爭(zhēng)產(chǎn)生的原因，所以你要時(shí)刻確保你獲取了對(duì)方說(shuō)話的全部信息。對(duì)于那些看不慣的人，你很容易對(duì)他們產(chǎn)生一種排斥。這其中的小訣竅是，你要用一些小的暗示提醒自己集中在別人對(duì)這個(gè)問(wèn)題的看法上，從而獲取他們給你的信息，也避免心偏離的更遠(yuǎn)。需要澄清一下的是，如果誤解是由于聽(tīng)力不好而導(dǎo)致的，那么這意味著你需要花更多的時(shí)間和他解釋?zhuān)�盡管你是多么希望這個(gè)人趕快滾出去。

    2.重復(fù)

    除了容易排斥那些看不慣的人之外，我們對(duì)一個(gè)人的感覺(jué)常常使我們對(duì)他們所說(shuō)的內(nèi)容產(chǎn)生一種帶有感情色彩的認(rèn)知。為了避免這種情況，將他們向你提出的建議，問(wèn)題和困難都一一進(jìn)行重復(fù)，確保你是真正明白了他們的意思。在你要發(fā)怒之前，給他們一個(gè)糾正的機(jī)會(huì)，這樣你就會(huì)“這類(lèi)人”想要的究竟是什么。

    3.保持冷靜

    人都有這樣一種本能，當(dāng)你被別人以一種不恰當(dāng)?shù)姆绞酱驍嗄闳桥�了你，你總�?huì)不由的停下來(lái)然后指出他們的錯(cuò)誤。千萬(wàn)別這樣做。除非他們犯了很?chē)?yán)重的錯(cuò)誤，直接或者從根本上影響到了你，否則，千萬(wàn)不要發(fā)怒不耐煩，因此產(chǎn)生的辯論甚至是爭(zhēng)論只會(huì)使你更不滿，而且你們當(dāng)中的任何一個(gè)人都不會(huì)改變自己的看法。留著這些精力去和那些對(duì)你會(huì)產(chǎn)生影響的朋友去辯論吧。

    4.分清界限

    你不必和每個(gè)人都成為朋友，這就意味著當(dāng)別人要求你幫助的時(shí)候你不必每個(gè)都答應(yīng)。如果有人侵犯了你的時(shí)間，就直接告訴他們說(shuō)，“我知道這個(gè)對(duì)你很重要，但對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)，這個(gè)目前不是最首要的。我必須先做X而不是Y。”同樣，你也沒(méi)必要壓抑自己，當(dāng)談話偏離了正題或者要進(jìn)入你的死穴（你的敏感話題，你知道你會(huì)被惹毛的話題）時(shí)，就大方的將他們糾正過(guò)來(lái)。

    5.以靜制動(dòng)

    當(dāng)和一個(gè)正生氣或已經(jīng)神志不清的人打交道時(shí)，最糟糕的就是繼續(xù)和他們爭(zhēng)論。在一場(chǎng)激烈的戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)中，任何一個(gè)被對(duì)方視為具有侵略性的動(dòng)作或語(yǔ)言都只會(huì)引起更激烈的爭(zhēng)論。在很多的情況中，如果有一方感到不滿并加以指責(zé)，那么他的每句話每個(gè)動(dòng)作在對(duì)方看來(lái)都是帶有侵略性的。的確，正如看上去一樣，這種事情很難辦。最好的方法就是靜靜的坐在一邊，聽(tīng)他們歇斯底里的咆哮，然后完了之后問(wèn)他們什么時(shí)候能安排出時(shí)間冷靜的討論一下這個(gè)問(wèn)題，重新回到你們正在做的事情上來(lái)。如果這樣做引起了再一次的爆發(fā)，那就繼續(xù)坐到一邊，重復(fù)剛剛的過(guò)程吧。這些需要沉得住氣，但你需要有自己的底線，那就是和這些正在發(fā)怒的人爭(zhēng)論，你并不會(huì)有任何的收獲。盡管這樣做，看上去你是放棄了對(duì)整體情況的控制，畢竟你只是坐在那，接收了全部的信息，包括他們的辱罵。事后，大部分人都會(huì)很愧疚并且從他們的怒火中醒悟過(guò)來(lái)，尤其是在那些他們的對(duì)手根本就無(wú)意激怒他們的情況中，更是如此。若此，當(dāng)你真正需要對(duì)現(xiàn)實(shí)情況做出什么決策時(shí)，你又重新回到了主導(dǎo)的位置。

    6.拒絕來(lái)訪

    你可能在很多不同的場(chǎng)合需要和那些你不喜歡的人打交道。記著時(shí)間是你自己的，不要讓其他人，尤其是那些你并不想與之有交集的人，占據(jù)控制了你的時(shí)間。

    從緊湊的行程中安排出來(lái)的交談，時(shí)間是很有限的，這就需要將雙方的目的進(jìn)行最簡(jiǎn)短的概括，這其實(shí)也是一種強(qiáng)制性的縮短了雙方的交談。你需要明確的讓對(duì)方知道你什么時(shí)間是沒(méi)有空的，并且盡量確實(shí)做到如此。如果有能力的話，你可以讓你的秘書(shū)幫你安排一個(gè)約會(huì)，然后禮貌的拒絕任何企圖在計(jì)劃之外的時(shí)間中和你討論工作的人。任何人，即便是那些令人感到討厭的人，也會(huì)尊重那些很尊重自己時(shí)間的人的時(shí)間。

    7.記住你的價(jià)值

    處于一些義務(wù)上的原因，你不得不陪著一些你不喜歡的人，如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)你處于這樣的情況之中，那么你要知道，對(duì)方很可能也處于同樣的狀況之中，他們不喜歡的也正是你。無(wú)論是工作技能還是天賦，專(zhuān)業(yè)技術(shù)，或者甚至是一些就像情感上的支持和團(tuán)結(jié)一樣的抽象的東西，你一定顯示出了你的價(jià)值，否則你就不會(huì)處于這樣的情境之中。這樣來(lái)說(shuō)，你有你的使命，任何使你在完成你的使命時(shí)感到分心的事務(wù)都會(huì)減少你自身的價(jià)值。

    記住那一點(diǎn)，并且不要俱于讓別人知道。你是有價(jià)值的，這就意味著，他們需要你，正如你也需要他們一樣。如果在你工作的時(shí)候你的工作團(tuán)隊(duì)里面有人不斷在說(shuō)他昨天晚上為今天午餐準(zhǔn)備的三明治，不妨告訴她她現(xiàn)在所做并沒(méi)有能夠好好利用你所帶來(lái)的價(jià)值。

    那些令人厭煩的，頑固的，吝嗇的，無(wú)聊的人，還有那些繁瑣之事，他們的存在有他們的道理，但這些與你無(wú)關(guān)，你不需要關(guān)注或者參與到其中，但也不要聽(tīng)之任之。不要害怕指出他們的不足并加以糾正。取而代之，你要處理好他們的不滿，不讓他們阻礙你成功的步伐。你所要做的是接管那些別人明確表示拒絕做的，從中找到你自己的位置，并且確保從中得到你想要的。以上的建議或許會(huì)給你一些幫助。